Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Loss of a Baby or Child? ADVICE?

I received this picture long ago from a friend as I was mourning not being able to have a biological child. She gave this picture to me as encouragement that Jesus was HOLDING my future child/children and had them "all picked out for us" in HIS TIMING. I remember my heart being SO SAD during that time & this "lifting me up". It still hangs on the mirror in our bedroom.

BOY, has GOD BEEN FAITHFUL to our family and filled our home to the brim with adoption from foster care, private adoption, 3 different sibling sets and giving us the blessing to carry a child through embryo adoption.

But today I look at this picture differently as the oldest had a 20 year old pregnant friend who was doing GREAT last Monday at her OB check up, went into labor Thursday and when she got to the hospital, her precious one was already gone....
I see Jesus holding her little one in His arms in heaven.

I come to you all for advice as I KNOW many of you have suffered the unbearable loss of a baby or child.
  1. HOW CAN WE encourage this young mother in the weeks, months and years to come?
  2. What helped you get through it?
  3. Are there any books, websites etc.. that I can send her for strength?
And please say a prayer TODAY as she lays her precious one to rest as I type .



neufamily said...

I will carry you
By Angie Smith
she has a blog as well that would be very encouraging; Bring the rain~ it has been to me... (Jaryn was a twin... don't know if you knew that)

Blessed Beyond said...

One of the best things I can tell you that has helped our family, is for you to remember that baby that is lost forever. That mom needs to know on special days, what would be that babies birthday, Christmas, etc, that others still remember the sweet baby.
Will be praying for this young mother.

The Anglin Family said...

I will carry you.(angle smith)
They were still born( I forgot the author.)

I am a member of grieve out loud, baby loss mamas, and several other sites. I have found that my fb sites( baby loss mamas) have great resources.
I left the hospital armed with resources but truthfully haven't used them.
I will lift her up in prayer. My heart aches for her.

Kathleen said...

My best advice for loss is covering them in prayer, and time for the family- not that you ever forget, but it does get easier to cope.

Christina said...

I just read this the other day about what NOT to say and although it talks about miscarriage, I think it applies to still born also.

The bottom line is just be there to listen. Acknowledge that the baby was here and mattered and will always be an important person in her life.

Soon after we lost Makenzie, I had read a book called Empty Cradle Broken Heart and I found it very helpful:

Someone else mentioned Grieve Out Loud, which is also a great resource:

I'm not sure if it's too late for this, but one thing that is helpful too, is if she can spend time with her baby. Dress, bathe, and just sit and talk to him/her. Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep will do photography of the baby with the family which would make for some great pictures to treasure--as would keeping foot prints and hand prints.

A parent should never outlive their child. So very sad.

Amanda said...

From a Christian perspective, I had a sweet friend years ago who had a baby born with serious genetic problems and he only lived two months. At the time the friend had a 3 year old as well. I remember thinking she was the most incredible person I had ever met because her comfort (rightly so) was this:

"I could raise Sam (her 3 year old) to be a grown man, I could instill in him all the knowledge and love I have for God, but I could never be guarenteed he would remain faithful, never be sure that he would choose a life for Christ. But Matthew is with God, today. Of all the things we parents work for, all the hopes and dreams we have? The greatest is Heaven and my Matthew has that. I have succeeded."

That was 22 years ago and her words have always caused me to pause and evaluate what is REALLY important.

Praying for your friend!!

Burt & Kim Streater said...

"EmptyArms" by Pam Vredevelt was a fantistic book for me. I hope that helps. Also about your pain in hands and feet, I recomment doing biofeedback. It has worked for me. I'd also like to talk to you about Dr. Kumar. His office said to speak with Arlene. I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Kim in GA

Burt & Kim Streater said...

I forgot to click the box stating my e-mail. See below.

Melissa, Multi-Tasking Mama said...

I will Carry You by Angie Smith is an amazing book by an amazing woman! Also my sweet friend lost a baby three days after birth and makes special bracelets (at no cost) to mothers like your friend. You can get more details at her website

Farm Chick said...

I am so sad for them. I will pray for comfort and healing.

Carpenter's said...

Watermark (christian group) has a wonderful song called Glory Baby.
Thanks for stopping by my blog.