Yes, the tears are flowing as I write this. To some it will seem trivial to be devastated over such a thing but for me, it is real..
For those of you who have been reading my blog for long, you know I had a ROUGH pregnancy with Baby Bakers. I was on bedrest for most of the pregnancy. Since giving birth my body has gone into a TOTAL TAILSPIN. My liver has been a mess, I have had swelling in my arms and legs (still-7 months later). I have had severe joint pains in my hands and heels. Making my fine motor skills (snapping onesies etc.) very painful & challenging for me. I cannot lose weight for the life of me. I have had test after test for months now...The Captain thinks I may fall apart....Being pregant at 39 and holding was ROUGH PEEPS!
I FINALLY saw a rheumatologist yesterday who MAY have me all figured out. I spent 2 hours in his office doing tests, getting examined etc... He said with all my lab tests and history I could have one of 2 things
1. A virus caused by the upheaval of pregnancy to my body that is attacking my immune system and could last up to 2 years.
OR #2 which is what he thinks is MOST LIKELY.
2. Rheumatoid Arthritis. This means I had to go on medicine immedietly (yesterday) to try to calm the swelling in my hands and feet and ease the pain. Medicine that goes into my breast milk....
THIS ALSO MEANS, I MUST WEAN BABY BAKERS FROM NURSING. I cried off and on the entire 1 1/2 hr. car ride home from the Dr. It was devastating but I know I have to do what is best for my health. The 3 doses of medicine I have taken have already helped.
So tonight, I nursed her before bed and then when she wakes in the night I will be giving her a bottle..... I will nurse her every other feeding tomorrow and then hopefully have her totally weaned by Sunday...
I know there are SO MUCH bigger problems and things I could be upset about but... THIS IS IT FOR ME. MY LAST BABY. THE.END. NO.MORE. THE GRANDE FINALE.
I will miss bonding with my sweet baby in this way. I am sad & hurting emotionally over this. I NEED MORE TIME!
It was something I WAS GOOD AT GUYS! And she LOVES IT...
Has anyone else ever had to do this? If so, advice and encouragement would be much OBLIGED!
And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
“Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.” Luke 2:8-14