Thursday, December 30, 2010

WARNING...Weaning...MOM in TEARS...

Yes, the tears are flowing as I write this. To some it will seem trivial to be devastated over such a thing but for me, it is real..

For those of you who have been reading my blog for long, you know I had a ROUGH pregnancy with Baby Bakers. I was on bedrest for most of the pregnancy.  Since giving birth my body has gone into a TOTAL TAILSPIN. My liver has been a mess, I have had swelling in my arms and legs (still-7 months later). I have had severe joint pains in my hands and heels. Making my fine motor skills (snapping onesies etc.) very painful & challenging for me. I cannot lose weight for the life of me. I have had test after test for months now...The Captain thinks I may fall apart....Being pregant at 39 and holding was ROUGH PEEPS!

I FINALLY saw a rheumatologist yesterday who MAY have me all figured out. I spent 2 hours in his office doing tests, getting examined etc... He said with all my lab tests and history I could have one of 2 things

1. A virus caused by the upheaval of pregnancy to my body that is attacking my immune system and could last up to 2 years.

OR #2 which is what he thinks is MOST LIKELY.

2. Rheumatoid Arthritis.  This means I had to go on medicine immedietly (yesterday) to try to calm the swelling in my hands and feet and ease the pain. Medicine that goes into my breast milk....

THIS ALSO MEANS, I MUST WEAN BABY BAKERS FROM NURSING.  I cried off and on the entire 1 1/2 hr. car ride home from the Dr. It was devastating but I know I have to do what is best for my health.  The 3 doses of medicine I have taken have already helped.

So tonight, I nursed her before bed and then when she wakes in the night I will be giving her a bottle..... I will nurse her every other feeding tomorrow and then hopefully have her totally weaned by Sunday...

I know there are SO MUCH bigger problems and things I could be upset about but... THIS IS IT FOR ME. MY LAST BABY. THE.END. NO.MORE. THE GRANDE FINALE.

I will miss bonding with my sweet baby in this way. I am sad & hurting emotionally over this. I NEED MORE TIME!

It was something I WAS GOOD AT GUYS! And she LOVES IT...

Has anyone else ever had to do this? If so, advice and encouragement would be much OBLIGED!

Now I must go cry in my pillow...
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11 comments:

Vintage Mom said...

My heart goes out to you! I was diagnosed with RA this past month. I am 34 and the mother of 5. My pain is in my major joints, not my hands. My feet, hips, shoulders and major muscles are in pain most of the time. I was given an NSAID as you probably were, but the side effects are too great for me to bear. I am going to see an alternative Dr after the holidays in an effort to deal with this without medications that will kill my liver and kidneys. I feel your pain and frustration. Though I am not nursing a baby, I am no longer able to run and play with my kids. I have been told that because I tested positive for strep a few months ago and because of the severly stressful year that we have gone through, the RA might go away in a few years. I can only pray. Our bodies revolt in strange ways at times. I will pray for you that you can find relief from the pain and swelling.

Blessings!

Cybil

Z is for Ramble said...

I believe this would make me cry too and I am so sorry you have to do this. But I think you have the right idea about doing what is best for your health, you wanna be the healthiest mama possible for for baby bakers and all the rest of your kiddos.

Have you taken any fancy/sentimental nursing pictures yet? If not, take some before Sunday. You can also give your baby her bottle while providing lots of skin to skin contact and that will help maintain the physical bond there. As for her health, I have read that the antibodies a baby gets in the first six months of breastfeeding are all they can really need from a that standpoint.

Hugs to you and prayers for strength.

Farm Chick said...

Bless your heart!!! This is such an emotional and complicated issue. These moments are so tough! I pray you will both make the transition smoothly. Hang in there momma!

"Are These Kids All Yours?" said...

I haven't....I can't biologically have children even embryo, but the mommy in me hurts for you. I am praying! I am sooo sorry. I have always wondered how it would feel to breast feed. I know it must be amazing! I am praying for you....praying for healing for your heart over not being able to breastfeed and praying for your body to heal. You have a lot of little people who are depending on you!

Missy and Kaden said...

Oh my heart aches for you! I nursed my son until he was 14 months old and giving up that bonding timing and the one tool I had to calm him down after getting worked up was so hard on me! And then add to it the pain of stopping, yikes! My biggest advice to you is to remember that your precious baby needs you healthy, needs Mommy and so this may be the time God has chosen for you to try something new. Find another way to bond and still have that precious time together.

On another note, my Dad battled RA as well. I don't know what he all did other than knowing they chose a natural approach with him and a year later no trace of RA at all for him! Praise God! I would be happy to find out what they did for him for you.

Kelly said...

I am shedding tears for you right now. This brings me back to weaning my babies. So emotional with two of them. I am so sorry and please know you are not weird. This is so normal to feel this loss so hard.

I hope the meds work and I am so sorry you are hurting physically and emotionally. (((Hugs)))

Mama in Uganda said...

I am so sorry.

I loved breast-feeding.

I did stop our second a little short {15 months} due to health complications--which ended up being hypothyroidism.

May the Lord make this easy and quick--for the sake of your heart.

Blessings,
S

brookebrownell said...

Due to my PCOS, I can't nurse much longer than 4 months, and I have to say, it is incredibly sad and painful each time... (I'm now nursing #7), but in my case, I feel like a good portion of the sadness is caused by hormonal changes which heals itself in a few days for me after the weaning is through. I also have to tell myself how very thankful I am that there is such good nutrition available for these sweet babies as they go to bottle! i hope the Lord encourages your heart at this time!

Adam Burns said...

Hello Jen I am so sorry that you are going through. Remember God is in control and still in the healing business. My wife had swollen ankles after a year so I know your situation well. She has a mommy blog as well and a new book one of the bonus books is on baby weaning. You guys should connect her name is Jean
http://www.mybabysleepsatnight.com
I actually think she is running a contest for a free copy with the 6 bonus books

Take it easy,
Adam

Christina said...

Oh no! RA is some rough stuff. I hope that you get some relief soon. Weaning is tough, especially when you don't feel like you and baby are ready. When I weaned Genevieve it was because of too many cases of mastitis--I couldn't take it anymore! I didn't think she was ready, but she actually did really well with the bottle much to my surprise. Very sad though (for me).

I hope you feel better soon!!

scooping it up said...

I know this is an old post, but I wanted to say I just wrote a post about how sad I was with nursing ending with my last one and I am glad I am not the only one out there who is a touch weepy about this. :)