3 DOWN...

She had ONE in the middle of the night last night and it went SMOOTH AS SILK so I thought the same would be true for this mornings feeding...NOT!!

She bit, punched, kicked, ripped at my shirt and basically "went bonkers". We were both in tears. I layed her in her bed, she cried for about 20 minutes, I went back in and tried "THE EVIL BOTTLE" again and she took it-TWO DOWN. She has spit up twice as much with formula.

I have been nursing every other feeding and it seems to be working ok. She was agitated all afternoon until I nursed her at 2pm then she slept.

She had # THREE bottle before bed and I hope and pray she sleeps..and I do.

It has been 7 hours already since the last feeding OUCH!

It's okay sweetie, WE CAN DO IT!

I COULDN'T do it.....

Thank you ALL for the prayers and encouraging words.

I had EVERY intention of giving her a bottle in the night last night.

I even had it out and ready..

BUT LOOK AT THIS FACE..

Could.not.do.it...

We had a fabulous night of nursing.

I don't know if I will stop the medicine or what.

We shall see.

I will take it minute by minute & pray for strength.

WARNING...Weaning...MOM in TEARS...

Yes, the tears are flowing as I write this. To some it will seem trivial to be devastated over such a thing but for me, it is real..

For those of you who have been reading my blog for long, you know I had a ROUGH pregnancy with Baby Bakers. I was on bedrest for most of the pregnancy.  Since giving birth my body has gone into a TOTAL TAILSPIN. My liver has been a mess, I have had swelling in my arms and legs (still-7 months later). I have had severe joint pains in my hands and heels. Making my fine motor skills (snapping onesies etc.) very painful & challenging for me. I cannot lose weight for the life of me. I have had test after test for months now...The Captain thinks I may fall apart....Being pregant at 39 and holding was ROUGH PEEPS!

I FINALLY saw a rheumatologist yesterday who MAY have me all figured out. I spent 2 hours in his office doing tests, getting examined etc... He said with all my lab tests and history I could have one of 2 things

1. A virus caused by the upheaval of pregnancy to my body that is attacking my immune system and could last up to 2 years.

OR #2 which is what he thinks is MOST LIKELY.

2. Rheumatoid Arthritis.  This means I had to go on medicine immedietly (yesterday) to try to calm the swelling in my hands and feet and ease the pain. Medicine that goes into my breast milk....

THIS ALSO MEANS, I MUST WEAN BABY BAKERS FROM NURSING.  I cried off and on the entire 1 1/2 hr. car ride home from the Dr. It was devastating but I know I have to do what is best for my health.  The 3 doses of medicine I have taken have already helped.

So tonight, I nursed her before bed and then when she wakes in the night I will be giving her a bottle..... I will nurse her every other feeding tomorrow and then hopefully have her totally weaned by Sunday...

I know there are SO MUCH bigger problems and things I could be upset about but... THIS IS IT FOR ME. MY LAST BABY. THE.END. NO.MORE. THE GRANDE FINALE.

I will miss bonding with my sweet baby in this way. I am sad & hurting emotionally over this. I NEED MORE TIME!

It was something I WAS GOOD AT GUYS! And she LOVES IT...

Has anyone else ever had to do this? If so, advice and encouragement would be much OBLIGED!

Now I must go cry in my pillow...