My Birthmother...Lots on my mind....PART 1

I have wanted to write this post for YEARS now...It's just very difficult to write and get my emotions into words...

As my 41st birthday approaches..I think back to the date of my birth and what my birthmother was thinking then...

I also wonder what she thinks now..

We know each other but are NOT CLOSE...

I feel most of the times she doesn't love me, let alone like me..

AND IT HURTS..

I never really cared to meet her for I was raised by my own doting infertile parents who already adopted 2 boys and longed for a baby girl...They were/are WONDERFUL, Christian, Loving parents.

As an adopted child, the only thing I really wanted growing up was to see a picture of my birthmother..I NEVER longed to meet her. Once we did meet though, things changed..

I was born almost 41 years ago...To a BEAUTIFUL young Mexican girl whose mother (from what I understand) told her it would be much better to give me up for adoption than try to keep me at such a young age....She was sent to live in a Catholic home for unwed mothers until I was born.  I am SO THANKFUL she chose to give me LIFE!

On June 26, 1970, I was blessed to enter this world. I was fondly named "Cheryl Ann" after my BM's best friend and immediately placed into state foster care without my birthmother being offered even a glimpse of me.  SO SAD, for her.. to have me wiggling in her belly all that time and not even get to see my face...not get to hold me...I feel for her.

I lived in the same foster home for the 4 months prior to my parents picking me up and adopting me and changing my name to Jennifer Bea. Of course I don't remember any of this but it does affect me today.  I am IN AWE at God's plan for my life and beyond impressed that his plan included this commonality that I share with my adopted children.  Because I can tell them "MOMMY IS JUST LIKE YOU." "I WAS IN FOSTER CARE." "I know how it feels to miss your mommy and be sad that you can't be with her." "To wonder what she is like, what she is doing, where she is living." AND SO ON.... God's wisdom is SO FAR beyond what I can fathom to have set up this awesomeness. Don't you agree?

My parents were told VERY LITTLE about me. They didn't even know I was 1/2 Mexican. Isn't that WILD? OH HOW TIMES HAVE CHANGED! Oh how I am thankful for the openness we share with our childrens birth families.

I lived a wonderful middle class life growing up with 2 school teachers for parents & 2 ornery older brothers. I was a spoiled yet well-rounded girl. I was afforded all the opportunities I was ever remotely interested in. Sports, Girlscouts, church, baton twirling, acrobats, dance, music etc. We LOVED traveling and camping as a family also.

When I was 20, my life changed when I had "the oldest". I was a single mom who worked a couple jobs to try to give her as close to the great life I was raised in. My parents helped A LOT when she was little. She was a precious little girl.

I was just mulling along with life. Struggling to make ends meet and take care of my sweet 5 year old girl when.....I went to the mailbox one day during the 25th year of my life and...

MY LIFE WAS PERMANENTLY ALTERED..

Stay tuned for PART 2!

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