Friday, October 14, 2011

Hurtful-what NOT to say to an adoptive family..

Just a few tips about what to say/not to say to an adoptive family.
  • DO NOT introduce the children and parents to complete strangers as... "THIS IS NICK AND JEN and their (insert #) ADOPTED KIDS!!"   THIS DRIVES ME BATS!!! and is very hurtful..This happens..All.the.time! UGH!

The kids DO HEAR THIS and may feel bad like they are inferior or not just our "normal kids" which we consider them...

  • DO NOT SAY "So and so is their birth daughter and so and so were adopted and so and so are blood related."

Same reason as above.  THE KIDS HEAR THIS! Yes, its no secret that they are adopted but it is NOT everyone on earths business especially strangers. We are all RELATED by the blood of our Lord Jesus Christ! AMEN!
  • Don't say "THEY ARE SO LUCKY to be adopted by you."
We are the lucky ones, God chose these children for us and chose us to be parents of these children. Period..

  • DON'T SAY..."Well it was YOUR CHOICE to have all those kids."

It was NOT our choice it was us being open to our SAVIORS plan for our family. This is GOD'S DESIGN not ours.

  • DON'T SAY "REAL PARENTS in regards to birth parents" SAY BIRTH PARENTS...

Real parents ARE the parents who raise, nurture and care for their children...

  • DON'T SAY..."ARE THEY ALL YOURS?"..."You mean you gave birth to all of them?" 

I know people are curious but think about the children. They are all THERE LISTENING TO THESE QUESTIONS GUYS!

Don't get me wrong, We are extremely proud of our children and we are open to sharing our amazing, miraculous story but there is a point where hurtful comments get to a person. ESPECIALLY ones said in front of the children.

And the point is "THIS IS OUR STORY TO SHARE."
OF COURSE it is no secret to them that they are adopted. I just want to protect them and for them to feel NO DIFFERENT than any other kid when they are out in public.

The bottom line is...JESUS ADOPTED US ALL as his own...

"Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward."  Psalm 127:3

Notice the Bible does not say "the fruit of JENS WOMB?" That means ALL children are a reward and I sure feel blessed with My rewards! THANK YOU LORD!



My Blogging Life - Part 2 said...

I have always felt the same way about 'step' children or 'step' or 'half' siblings. I have one sister, who happens to be a half-sister as we have the same mom but different dads. She is STILL my SISTER. My 'step'dad's mom, my 'step'grandma was always great at being sure she always almost overemphasized that she indeed was my grandma and I was one of her grandkids! :)

Kelly said...

Amen sister. Preach on. I too hear these questions. Especially the one "Are they all yours" I always answer yes. What kind of question is that anyway? If I say I have nine children then no matter how they became MINE, they are mine. I know what they mean and sometimes they will go further with it and ask me over and over and every single time I simple say, "All mine."

I had a lady ask me in different ways...step, his/hers, and finally she said, "Did you birth all of them?" I just looked at her all three times and smiled and said, "All mine.All mine. All mine." That is all they are going to get from me. No matter how you look at it, they are ALL MINE!!

I so wish people could get that fact. What makes people think that adopted children are less ours? drives me nuts (can you tell?)

His Hands His Feet Today said...

Amen :)

The Anglin Family said...

Those are tough words to hear...I really think it's ok to say how you feel in response to those things...
I really don't like the "he's so lucky" comment bc I think I'm the blessed one...;)
And yes, this summer when I'm hauling my four out alone, I'll be thinking about you and your precious 7. I may even need advice;))) you are so incredibly blessed with all 8 of your kids!!!

Jen: Proud Mom of 7 Adopted Miracle Blessings said...

Great job, Jen...

Kristine said...

As an adopted child myself and an adoptive mother, I say AMEN!!!!! I was adopted at 7 weeks old by my Mom and Dad and am now 43. Would you believe there are STILL people who refer to me as Craig and Sharon's adopted daughter? My parents never made any distinction between my two siblings (bio kids) and I -- we were their kids fully and equally. Mom was asked on several occasions which ones were "hers" to which she always replied ALL OF THEM.

Kudos to you Jen for writing such a great post, and also to Kelly for standing firm against such ignorant questioning! I will definitely be linking to this post!

Noneofyour... said...

This post really struck a chord in me. I was adopted when I was 3 months old. I had an older brother who was also adopted, as well as a younger sister that was a biological. I remember being very young and my grandmother (dad's mom) would introduce me to people as J & B's adopted daughter. She did this a lot. I felt like she was labeling me. That she wanted to make it clear which daughter was it really mattered to her.

After her death I told my parents this and told them how hurtful it was to me. My dad refused to believe she meant any ill-will...but instead that she was proud of me.

Never thought of it that way. She's been gone 15 years and I'm still rolling that one around in my head. I just know how it made me feel...

I post as anon because I don't remember my password! We adopted our daughter from China in 2002 at 6 months. She'll be 10 in April! Anyway to slow this train down? She's growing up too fast!